Facts — for a change!
I rarely talk about what's going on in my personal life or inside my head, even to close friends. I can spend hours with them — watching movies, dining out or experimenting inside the kitchen, sharing philosophies and ideals, discussing and dissecting books and movies, sharing a few drinks, sharing a joint even — but I will always leave without revealing too much.
"What's wrong?" is a question I am constantly being asked. And I just do not answer, I just will not talk about it. I can think of a lot of reasons, but I guess the one that holds true would be that talking about it would just make it seem so real, so "there". And then it would become something I will have to talk about and continue to feed updates about.
So I just prefer to leave it at that and stew in my own thoughts, in my own time. I lie in bed with my eyes closed and think about what's eating me, or sit on my bed rubbing moisturiser on my hands and legs after a bath and realise how tough it is for me to get dressed and get out of the house.
But sometimes, I feel like talking to someone in particular. Not looking for any answers or solutions, I just want to hear myself articulate my fears. And the irony of it is that they don't want to hear about it. Sigh.
6 comments:
you have revealed too much about ur personal things
i guess if u open up a little more to ur close friends, you would actually open your eyes to a much better and relieved world...
Girls r better @ making revelations! Their big mouth is often a cause of great consternantion, but that's the way it is...as it should be. Nothing wrong in that. BTW, blogs r a novel way of talking to ourselves! We are very receptive to our own brainwaves, aren't we?
Can understand some bit about what you're trying to say....was in the same personal situation (almost eeriely so) for three years, and ended a year back. Trust that yours ends better.
Girl, you're in the desi media, and I know why you want to keep things to yourself. Listen, as for stewing in your own thoughts - bad idea! Been there, done that, and I can't still forget the girl I was madly in love with two years ago despite being in a very steady and nice relationship today, until fairly recently. Because I just can't talk to anyone. Because - either my closest friends are all stoned/drunk/sexed out of their skulls or they're in emotional shit themselves. So one fine day, I just downloaded on my boss. It worked fine. He didn't know the woman, and really didn't give a flying f about this but he listened and I got it out of my system. Is a blog a good idea to vent.... um dunno. Anyways I'm rambling right now and whatever it is that is troubling you should get better soon, life is always worth it.
Hey, its perfectly fine to stay closed. But, there must be exceptions. I have experienced this. I talk a lot, and try to gather utmost info. I need (only what I need) and trash others. But at the same time. If u are closed, there can be a lack of confidence. So its perfectly not advised to stay closed. There shud be exceptions, may be for soem topics or for some person. Though the second one may land you in a "musibat" :-)
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