Watching the Wheels

Was sipping a cold coffee this evening when the friend I was with pointed out how sad I looked. And I didn't have a clue what she was talking about. I was just looking at one of the Reliance personnel there, didn't even have anything on my mind. Was just looking...and apparently I looked sad.

Maybe I am sad and just don't realise it. Things are not bad, but they're not great either and it's okay. Life has to plateau out some time. A little later I found myself explaining to the same friend how I've realised that there are certain things about my life I cannot change and how I've decided to go with the flow. A couple of years ago the very thought of me resigning myself to fate or circumstances would have been unthinkable. Somewhere along the way, I just grew up and hadn't even realised it.

I've spent too many days and nights in pitiful self-despair, too many hours of helplessness engulfed me till one day I found myself going numb. Now it doesn't hurt anymore, or if it does I don't feel it (don't suppose it makes sense but still...). I've given up on what could have or should have been, I've given up on what will or can be, I'm just living what is. I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round...

I'm just sitting here
watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round
I just had to let it go...

~ Watching the Wheels by John Lennon